


MATRIMONY OF THE GARGANTUAN, COLOSSAL, WOMEN!!!!!

by IowaGuy1979



Series: Life Is Mutated [4]
Category: Life Is Strange (Video Game)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Big Damn Gays, Big Damn Heroes, F/F, Polyamory, chloe tells bad puns because chloe, giant dorks getting hitched, more brain damaging silliness, tiny stupid homophobes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-14 20:41:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29548086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IowaGuy1979/pseuds/IowaGuy1979
Summary: The three biggest, most bad ass, ladies on Earth tie the knot.Not without troubles, however, such as 'where to find giant wedding dresses?'
Relationships: Maxine "Max" Caulfield/Victoria Chase/Chloe Price
Series: Life Is Mutated [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2052708
Kudos: 2





	MATRIMONY OF THE GARGANTUAN, COLOSSAL, WOMEN!!!!!

It was a warm, sunny afternoon on the beach. 

Sadly for most of the would be beach goers, the beach was full, despite only having three people on it.

“Hey, Vicky.”, the blue haired giant said.

“Yes, Chloe?”, the short haired, equally huge, blonde replied.

“I mean.. I don’t wanna say you’re fat, but, when you sit around the house, you really sit around the house!”, Chloe laughed.

Victoria’s eyes narrowed. “Need I remind you that we are, all three of us, about the same size?”

“Well, yeah. But that just means there’s more of me to love.”, the other woman smirked.

“And I love you both very much.”, the third member of the trio, a smaller brunette said, in an attempt to forestall the incoming battle.

“Mini Max is right.”, Chloe said. “Love you, Vicky.”

“Back at you, Bluezilla”, Victoria smiled back.

“Hey! I am not mini!”, the shorter woman scowled.

“The last time we got poked and prodded by the eggheads, they measured me and Vic at 60 feet, and you at 55.”, Chloe said. “Mini Max.”

“Unbelievable!”, Max huffed “Only I could end up becoming a giant mutant, and still be short”. She rolled her eyes. “Oh, dog!” her eyes opened wide. “Totally forgot something!”, she said, nervously.

“What’s up, Max?”, the blonde said, turning to her wife.

“Not Max!”, Chloe chortled.

After flipping her Captain, the woman she had been in love with almost her whole life, the double bird, she said “It’s our anniversary! I should have known, should have done something!”

Chloe rose up from her prone position, giving the nearby downtown area a slight quake. “Maximal. You realize that we can’t get dressed up, or eat out at a fancy restaurant, due to the previously mentioned fact of us being way huge, right? Although, we can still eat out, actually.”

“And Chloe cracks a lesbian sex joke that’s older than all of us combined, to the surprise of no one”, Max snarked. “But, seriously, I really wish I could do all that grand romantic shit for you. To show you how much I love you both.”

“Max, sweetheart. Nothing about us is conventional.”, Victoria said. “Even if we weren’t, y’know..” waving her hand at the three of them “being in a poly relationship isn’t anywhere near conventional. Although, outdated societal norms can go fuck themselves. I don’t need grand gestures to show you both how much I love you, despite this one’s awful jokes.”, she glared at Chloe. “Saving each other’s lives when a fucking giant freak monster attacks shows that far more than damn candies. ...Which is something I never thought I’d say in my entire life.”

Max teared up slightly, and crawled over to Victoria to cuddle. “That was beautiful, baby. Weird, but beautiful.”

“Just like all three of us”, Chloe smiled.

The trio’s thoughts turned back to the day that they had gotten hitched.

General Winston Horatio Mitchell had always been a tough man. He had placed highest in his class at West Point. He had swam from the middle of the ocean to the nearest harbor, 200 miles away, hauling his damaged PT boat, containing his crew, by a rope in his teeth. He routinely defeated every challenger on his base in the boxing ring.

General Mitchell found himself on top of a building, looking into the huge blue eyes of a young woman one third his age. And she was the shortest of the three enormous freaks.

“As much as the country is grateful for your service, the laws of the United States cannot be changed to suit only three people.”

The much larger blue haired one leaned closer and said, in what was for her a slightly raised voice,. ‘WHAT?” 

The four star General fell on his ass, as the building shook.

The other tall freak glared at her. “Chloe.”

“OK, OK, Vic.” she rolled her eyes. “Sorry, General Micro, I mean Mitchell”, in a totally unrepentant voice.

Max stared at the man, her face a mix of sadness and anger. “But, why? We’ve busted our assess for this country!”

“Be that as it may, Subject 1.”

Both of the taller giants glared down. 

“Her. Name. Is. Max.”, Victoria said, biting the end off of each word.

He shrugged. “Max. Be that as it may, you are not citizens, you are property of the United States of America.”

Max’s eyes grew wide. Victoria’s narrowed in anger. Chloe looked like she was about to tear down every building that surrounded them, in rage.

“Let me get this straight.”, the tall blonde’s voice froze deeper than a winter ice storm.

Even angry, Chloe couldn’t let the chance for a good joke go by. “We’re not.”

Max sighed. “Chloe, please.”

“You’re telling us, humans with, to quote what was told to us not too long after this happened. ‘more power than fifty nuclear warheads’, that we are not, in fact, human. Do I have that correct?”

The General suddenly became very aware that he was standing in front of the three biggest living beings on Earth. 

“I...I suppose allowances can be made..”, he gulped, his face just a shade or two whiter.

The blonde smirked in satisfaction. “Thank you.”

FOUR HOURS LATER

The trio stood in front of the same building. A man, dressed in his judicial robes, stood on the spot that the General had occupied.

The reason that a judge was doing the ceremony currently swarmed around the downtown area like ants. They shouted things like “GAY FREAKS GO TO HELL!”, and waved around banners and placards that proclaimed that any union but a heterosexual one was an abomination. There were also the ones that called the three young women “freaks of nature” and ‘monsters’. They were, however, not as smart as ants, in that they had sometimes gotten too close to the feet of the objects of their anger. Fortunately, the city’s finest were there to save them from their stupidity.

“They’re not really wrong on the first one, but, for different reasons.”, Max, whispered. Which was more like a loud shout, so not really a whisper.

“I know.”, Victoria said. “It reminds me of the first time those damn generals paraded us out like show dogs. ‘Indecent exposure’ this and ‘think of the children’ that.”

“It’s not like it’s our fault that we can’t find clothes big enough to fit our fantastic asses.”, Chloe grumbled.

The older gentleman cleared his throat, the sound blaring through a megaphone.

“I’ve got places to be. Do you three take each other..”

“As often as we can get”, Chloe interrupted.

He narrowed his eyes, continuing. “in matrimony, for better or for worse, as long as you all shall live?”

“We do.”, they chorused.

“OK, you’re married. I’ve got to get going, or I’ll miss my tee time.” He walked to the elevator, and descended.

The General had managed to produce giant sheets of paper, as well as a reasonable facsimile of paint brushes, which the three used to sign their names. The signatures were minimized via computer as much as possible. Even so, the marriage license was as tall as a grown man. Victoria, the child of very wealthy, very litigious people, made sure to get a copy as big as could be made, just in case the government wanted to object at some future date.

A thunderous ROAR echoed through downtown, in the direction of the beach. The three monster fighters rolled their eyes. “No honeymoon, then”, Max muttered, as they moved toward whatever mutant whatever was threatening the city.

“That was a hell of a good day.”, Chloe grinned. “We showed that asshole General who the baddest bitches ever were. And I got married to the sexiest women on Earth!”

“It did feel good to take that old fart down a peg or two.”, Victoria smiled. “And marrying you two, was amazing, as well.” She patted each of the other’s hands.

“It wasn’t what I expected my wedding day to be. Less pirates and my Bluebeard, more giant freakishness. But I wouldn’t change it, change this, for anything.”. Max said. She leaned over and very passionately, and soundly, kissed each of her beautiful, wonderful, mates.

“Feels good to just sit and relax, right?”, Max sighed.

“Best way to spend a wedding anniversary, as far as I’m concerned”, Vic said.

A distant roar echoed from inside the city. A jeep quickly drove up to the beach, and a man in a Major’s uniform hopped out. “Listen up, you three!”, he yelled.

All three made shushing noises, while Chloe tapped a sign next to her, that was twice the man’s size.

ON VACATION, it read.

**Author's Note:**

> More goofiness for you, my readers! Giant Gays! Giant Gay Matrimony! Tiny Stupid People! Curmudgeonly Generals!
> 
> The rough outline of this popped into my head, after writing the pervious story. 
> 
> Hope your brains aren't too damaged!


End file.
